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Gormless: a book of poems by Rich Davenport

This blog is a review of Gormless by Rich Davenport (ISBN 987-1-913256-14-2). But first, some history.

My first encounter with Rich Davenport came by way of a poetry slam. I was in the middle of touring my collection ‘The Book of Colin’ before an official launch. My good friend, Big Charlie Poet, had recommended I have a go at the Spotlight Slam in Lancaster, so myself and my partner Heather decided to make a night it. We book a lovely little B&B close to the venue and, armed with a comedy poem entitled ‘The Sexual Olympics’ ventured forth to see what all this poetry slam thing was about.

I had been up and performed my piece with the tittering response from the audience I wanted then returned to my seat, feeling quietly confident at placing in the top three for the night. Then stepped forward, Rich Davenport. H.G. Wells would probably describe him as a ‘Hulk, bigger than a bear.’ I would then add, but twice as cuddly.

As soon as he stepped onto the stage, it was his; delivering quickfire poems filled with nonsense and wit. The audience loved him. I loved him. Laugh out loud, smart and wonderfully performed. His work appealed to me in the same way as Spike Milligan’s poetry does.

That night, after he picked up his winnings, I booked him for the book launch. His work had the same effect that night as well. It was a fun year attending the same nights as Rich. A lovely generous soul and a brilliant performer. The only problem was, Rich Davenport has M.E.

It is a cruel disease that strips people of all their energy and leaves them unable to pursue their passions. This affliction caused Rich to drop out of the poetry and comedy scene for too many years. In this hiatus, I tried to get him to publish some of his work, but it never came to pass. Time moved on, and I lived in the hope that Rich would feel well enough one day to venture onto the boards once again.

But then something amazing happened; he announced the publication of a small book of poetry. Chin Beard Books had achieved what I had failed to do; they had got him into print. With a limited run of just 100 copies (unless it sells faster than Usain Bolt dashing to the toilet because of the sudden onset of the squits), I was quick to the ‘here, have my money’ button.

And thus it arrived, forty-three pages of daft poetry that had me laughing at over breakfast, much to my partner’s annoyance. ‘The Ballad of BLOODY NORA’, about a nit nurse who just loses her mind one day and goes on a killing spree (honestly, it’s BLOODY funny), ‘A Flutter Of Petticoats (or Cop This Jane Austen)’, which is a collection of three fart oriented couplets, and ‘Pantalones De Amor (Trousers of Love)’ with a direction for it to be read with the voice of Antonio Banderas, all had me spitting my Linda McCartney sausages across the table.

These wonderfully funny words are complemented with some beautiful artwork from Minty B. His drawings, published in colour throughout the book, add a cheeky smile to the work. The painting of ‘Bloody Nora’ is an image I would love to wear on a t-shirt. 

To sum up, I loved this book, but then I am a massive fan of Rich. However, I am also someone who doesn’t just blow smoke up someone’s botty. It is a thin book, he doesn’t write long poems very often, but the stuff that is in these pages is hilarious and something you will go back to again and again; especially when you need a cheering up.

For me, Rich Davenport sits alongside other great comedy poets: Spike Milligan, Pam Ayres, John Cooper Clark, Ashley Lister, and John Hegley.

If you manage to get a copy of Gormless, you’ll be one of the lucky ones, and if you manage to catch him live ever, you will be in for a treat. The following is a limerick taken from Gormless with kind permission of Rich Davenport. Enjoy.

An ambitious young gymnast called Fritz
Tried to force himself into the splits
But he pushed down too hard
Ruined his leotard
With a violent attack of the squits

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‘Twas the night of Halloween

This #Halloween retelling of the “Visit from St. Nicholas” adds wonderfully #spooky and #ghoulish fun to the season of #fright.

So gather the little ones around the fire on this cold #Autumn night, and share in this tale of #ghosts, #ghouls, #zombies, #vampires, #werewolves, and #creatures. #HappyHalloween everyone, I hope you sleep tight.
Colin Davies, the author of the Mathamagical, has blended his love of #spooky stories with the most traditional of #Christmas #poems to create this illustrated spook tale to enhance the atmosphere on a #HalloweenNight.

https://tinyurl.com/y9kouuec

Together we Stand

Together we Stand

When all about you
Are losing their bread
When those in charge
Seem off of their heads

When everything is Bleak
Granny can’t afford her heater
When nothing seems fair
The cards stacked for the dealer

When you shout at the world
And only those in your bubble hear
When the best to look forward to
Is less tax on beer

When all is but run
As time becomes short
When kindness is needed
Let it not be for naught

When a child is hungry
Ask the government for shame
When on one is listening
Raise your game

When faced with lies
Seek out the truth
When God has forsaken us
See this as proof

When the chance comes a begging
Reach out your hand
Then show others you care
For together we will stand.